I’ve kind of been avoiding this post, because it tends towards the more boring and frustrating side of wedding planning. But, I also think it’s important, so here it goes.
{WARNING: This post is anti-climactic. If you are hoping for a magical resolution to my life’s problems, then you will be disappointed. But please read on anyway.}
Over spring break (which seems like ages ago) Brian and I sat down with my parents and discussed when we would be having the wedding. Going in to the conversation, the big debate was whether to get married in 2011, right after I graduate, or in 2012, the next year. What became apparent is that Brian going to law school is going to mostly govern when we get married. When we got engaged, Brian didn’t know what he was going to do after he graduated, so I assumed we would get married whenever we felt like it sometime after I graduated from college. I’ve known for over six months now that Brian had decided to go to law school, but I guess it hadn’t really sunk in in terms of what that meant for our wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited that he is planning to go to law school. But it definitely is limiting on the wedding front.
Basically, law students typically get summer internships for both summers of their time in law school. The problem with that is that he thinks he would want to get an internship outside where he is going to law school in hopes of being hired after graduation. This means that if we were to get married prior to either of these internships, and I happened to be employed where he went to law school, then we might have to spend the summer apart. OR, if we got married in the early summer of 2012, we would have to find somewhere to live for the summer before moving back to law school. These problems aren’t insurmountable, but they definitely make a difference.
Part of this issue relates to finances. Will being married to me (who will hopefully be employed) affect Brian’s ability to get student loans? This is a big problem. Also, the time factor relates to the financial aspect because waiting another year to get married would allow me to work for a year and save up some money to supplement wedding costs.
Based on what I’ve said so far, getting married in 2012 sounds like the way to go. I’d have more time to plan, make money, and not affect Brian’s loans in a negative way. On the flip-side, that means we have to wait another whole year. Apart. Yuck. The other thing is that Brian found out at his law school orientation the other day that the 2011 internship might be more flexible in terms of time off, adding another positive to 2011. We’ve been trudging through this long-distance thing for almost 4 years, and I know we can do it for an extra one. But that doesn’t make the prospect any more enticing.
Here is the bottom line: we didn’t make a decision with my parents that night. But hopefully we made progress. And the next day in the parking lot of Borders, Brian and I decided by process of elimination that we would either get married in August of 2011 or August of 2012. Yay, decisions!
The next step is looking into venues. I think we can do that without having made a final decision, right?
On a side note, this is my 50th blog post! Hooray!
{image via Flickr}
First off – I'm glad you love the Old Spice guy as much as me. :)
As for the other stuff…I'm no expert, but I can tell you what's worked (and hasn't worked) for me.
My husband and I got married in 2007 and I started law school in 2008. From a financial perspective this was a BAD move – since you're 100% right in assuming that this will affect his student aid. A lot of it, however, will be (at least somewhat) contingent on how much money you make. If I were you, I would ask your fiance to call the financial aid department and see if they can predict his award at all (though you're not working yet, you can look up average salaries for your job in your area with salary.com or the like – just to get a feel). I don't qualify (because of my hubby) for any work study – nor do I get subsidized Stafford loans. Which means my lovely loans are accruing interest while in school – and I had to take out evil Grad Plus loans. :( That said, schools assess things differently – so it's worth asking. Do keep in mind though – even if you wait and get married in 2012, your income will still affect him (for better or for worse) for his 3L year.
Assuming there isn't a large hit to his loans, I 100% agree that it will be easier for him to be flexible on his first summer internship. My first internship was very accommodating – and even allowed me to take summer courses. Granted, this will vary from place to place – but I have heard from a lot of people that this is the case. My internship for this coming up semester is super rigid 9-5 for 11 weeks – so there'd be less wiggle room. BUT you could get married mid May or mid August – depending on his schedule?
Sorry to have rambled on (and on). It will all work out. That's the best part of marriage actually – someone there to make it work with you! :)
Wow, thank you so much! Everything you said was really helpful. It's really great to get a law student's perspective on it since this whole thing is kind of new to us : )
I know how difficult this decision is, so I wish you so much luck in deciding and hopefully it will become easier as time goes on and events play out.