I’ve had a rough week. But I’m typically someone who likes to find the silver lining in things, and so I’m going to share my experience this week with you through the teeny tiny lens of blogging.
Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to realize that you’ve been judgmental in the past. Even if it was just a thought that you had.
Wanna know what that thought was that I’m not so proud of? In the past, when bloggers would go dark on their blogs and blame “personal issues” there was always a part of me that was a little annoyed. I couldn’t relate to what would be so personal that you couldn’t just spill the beans. What is wrong? It reminded me of being a kid and having your friend tell you that they knew something that they couldn’t tell you. Either keep it to yourself, or tell me what it is!
This week, all I really wanted to do was crawl into a hole. I didn’t want to share what going on with you guys- not because I wanted to be all secret squirrel about the what of it, but because I didn’t have the energy to put anything into words. And if I was going to just avoid the negative topics altogether- well, the stuff that I normally blog about just didn’t seem that important anymore.
In case you’re curious, here is the what of my week: on Sunday afternoon, someone really close to me and my family lost their father. He was 56. The next morning, my parents had to put our family dog to sleep. He was 15, but no matter how you shake it, it’s hard to lose the pet that you’ve had since you were 9.
While this was all happening, I was desperately trying to get my site back up and running, and working on client projects that were wrapping up. I decided to plow through work and launch as usual. I just didn’t have the energy to share what I was going through online.
So now I understand why bloggers sometimes say they’re going through some personal stuff and leave it at that. In fact, I basically said that on my Facebook page on Wednesday. I hated to be vague like that, but I had to let put it out there that I would be a little absent this week, but writing a full blog post about it just seemed like too much to handle.
So what’s the point of all this? This got retweeted and showed up in my Twitter feed in the middle of the week, and I think that sums it up quite nicely. You just never know what someone else is going through. And for the record- that’s a reminder for me. Everyone has perfectly nice to me this week- I’m lucky to have some pretty wonderful clients!
How have you handled this sort of thing on your blog? I’d love to hear from you!
Oh girl, do I know this story!! I went almost a year without blogging for a “personal reason” that I felt I couldn’t explain and therefore, no one could understand. I felt my life had changed so much that I just scrapped the old blog and started from scratch. I had also really been burned on Facebook by someone close sharing my info, so I had this need to kind of hide away for a while so I could straighten out my real life. I know this all sounds super vague still, but I just wanted to say that I know how you feel when you need a break and that privacy and break seem almost impossible in a digital, social world. I’m sorry that you had a rough week and I sincerely hope the coming weeks are better.
Thank you so much, Amber- it means a lot to know that others can relate! I’m excited to check out your new blog! :)
i’m so sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard week. sending a lot of love and prayers your way!
Thanks Rachael, you’re so sweet! I really appreciate it.
Katelyn, I’m so sorry for your losses- my thoughts and prayers are with you and your fam.
On the decidedly less important part of your post, I’ve definitely “gone dark” on my blog and blamed my absence on the semi-vague “health issues” before- not quite the same thing, but my point is, I get that people want to keep some things private. For me, I have some complicated health “things” like chronic pain, that are kind of tough to explain really fast, and I realize that the majority of people that read my blog are there for pretty clothes and shoes, so I try to keep the health explanations short- I do wonder, though, if my vagueness has annoyed readers in the past.
That being said, I do feel (and I’m not saying this in your case AT ALL, just to be clear) that people sometimes cite “personal issues” to get attention/create drama. Personally, I kind of feel like if you claim “personal issues” as a reason for being offline once or twice, that’s one thing, and I think that readers especially appreciate an explanation upon return, like yours, but when people continue to be vague and reference “personal issues” on an ongoing basis for months and months (usually linking back to the original vague post) I think that’s a little weird and maybe even rude to readers.
I totally understand people wanting to keep things private, like, say a miscarriage or break up or divorce, but if you’re going to not share that with your readers, it’s weird to me to reference those personal issues in every post for weeks. I tend to think that if you don’t intend to use blogging as a diary of sorts to get through what you’re going through, you’re better off to take a step back, like you did, address (or not, if you don’t want to!) the issue, and either move on, or take a break until you feel like you can move on- obviously, depending on the severity of the issue, “moving on” might take longer, in some cases.
Sorry for my epic reply- was reading a blog earlier today that’s been doing the “personal issues” thing since Thanksgiving-ish, and it’s getting on my nerves, so I was just thinking about this!
Thanks Brookelyn! I do think that as a blogger, you should use your “personal issues” card wisely. I think it’s important when you start a blog to make it clear how much you’re willing to share with your audience, both to your readers and to yourself. And referencing something that you don’t plan on sharing publicly is for weeks on end definitely seems unnecessary to me.
So sorry to hear you’ve had a rough week Kate, hoping the next few weeks are kinder to you! I tend to just stop blogging, then resume when I feel like it again. If I don’t want to share then I don’t – but sometimes I find that getting my thoughts in order to write about it actually helps me, even if I don’t publish the post! Personally I don’t mind if someone just writes that they’re “going through some stuff” – its up to them how much they want to disclose!
Thanks Vic! I love how writing can be cathartic sometimes- writing this post definitely helped!
Oh, I am so sorry for both of your losses. Expected (or at least not shocking) losses are just as hard to bear, I think, as unexpected ones, and I’m sending so much love to your family across state lines!
ditto to a lot of what bestofbklyn said about the blog world and personal issues, and I know it’s different for everyone – but I really admire how you channeled the energy that you did have left after dealing with everything in a productive way. I hope it was cathartic.
Thanks Betsy, you always have such a good way of putting things :) It really was helpful to try to put my thoughts into words.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had a crappy week! I’m guilty of feeling the same way you did, being judgmental towards those who would “tease” their problems but never share. I guess it’s hard to put into words all of what’s going on in a tough situation. Long story short, you’re in my thoughts!
Thanks Whitney, it means a lot to me! :)
I’m so sorry about your losses! Losing anyone, including a pet, is always difficult.
It’s tough to handle these situations in the blogging world. I think sometimes readers feel entitled to know what’s going on in a bloggers life. And I think as bloggers we feel like we owe our readers explanations. In the end I think it’s perfectly fine to cite personal reasons or to just ignore an absence. No explanation necessary.
Thanks Allyssa- I tend to agree, that both sides feel obligated but it’s not entirely necessary. I guess in this case I was feeling like I needed to say something for me- almost to kind of document what was going on this week. But I don’t expect others to do the same, it just depends on the situation I guess.
I am so sorry you’ve had a rough week. I will pray for you and the families involved. :(
One thing I have learned in almost 5 years of blogging is that there are a lot of things I COULD write about that would make great posts and let my readers into my world, but out of respect for other people involved, it isn’t always appropriate.
When I first started blogging, my kids were very little (8, 6 and 1). I could write freely about parenting, even the struggles. But as my kids get older, (now 13, 11, 6) I need to be careful when I spill the beans about my struggles (which usually involve them!). Last year, one of my children went through a horrible struggle and it sucked the life out of me–for months. I could do little more than allude to my rough time, because it was highly personal for my child.
Same thing with my marriage–I don’t care what my husband and I are facing as a couple, I refuse to throw him under the bus on my blog. And that is exactly what it would be if I blogged about our marital struggles in real-time. I respect him more than that.
I don’t see my blog as an on-line diary, so I don’t feel like I owe it to my readers to tell them moment-by-moment the details of my life. I see my blog as something helpful, useful, inspiring, instructive. So, I have learned to only share the super-deep personal things AFTER the fact, when I can draw some sort of healing or redemptive conclusion from it. Then the readers can be inspired to persevere through their own struggles.
I try to keep a few post ideas or guest posts from others on the back burner for times I can’t write because of personal issues. Other times, I just don’t post for a few days and make no mention of it when I return. Most of my readers don’t even notice.
Hang in there, friend.
Thanks for your perspective, Sandy- I totally agree that privacy of others should be 100% respected, and that as a parent there is a whole new set of parameters that you have to work with. I totally agree with what you said about blogging about personal things after they happen. And I love your idea of having back up posts!
Aww, keep tracking. :)
http://therealfoodrunner.blogspot.com/
Sorry for your loss. I relate Katelyn! The last couple years things in life haven’t been really easy with our kiddos and sometimes it was easier not to blog at all for me…I guess I took it to the extreme at times and missed about 2 months of blog posts one time.
Sometimes I feel like the only news I have to blog about is the rough times we’re going through…however my new goal this year is try to find the silver lining even in those rough times and instead of just focusing on the loss/hurt try to dig deep and write what I’m learning from it.
You’re a great and consistent blogger….it’s ok if you don’t always tell all right away and it’s ok if you want to share the details.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Liz! I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been going through some tough times… I hope things turn around soon!
I am sorry for your losses! I lost my grandpa a few days before school started this year. It was so difficult for me to focus on my homework and study for tests. I will be keeping you in my prayers!
Oh Brittany- that’s so hard! I’m sorry that you had to go through that, thanks for your kind words!
Loss is never easy, but I think it is admirable that you let us have a peek into a part of your private life. It reminds me that no matter how amazing we think bloggers to be, deep down they are humans who experience trials like everyone else. I hope your heart heals as time passes and that the memories you have of your family friend and dog will be nothing but sweet.
Thank you so much, Anna! Comments like these are definitely helping me feel better! :)
Oh sweet girl, I completely understand where you’re coming from. Blogging has been a complete hit or miss kind of thing recently. People who I didn’t need to find my blog, found my blog. So personal things, like our big move coming in October thanks to the Army, is something that can’t be posted about or else my job will be at stake. My job drains me, completely. Hiding behind a curtain of “happy words” on the blog just makes blogging so not… genuine, and I feel like I can’t be myself on the blog anymore. I completely understand how you feel about staying quiet, and know that I’m thinking about you.
That’s so hard, Faison! That sounds like a frustrating situation to be in- I hope things turn around soon! I’ll be thinking about you as well :)
I’m so sorry Kate! We had to put my childhood dog down too and it was HORRIBLE. You have every right to be upset. I hope next week turns around for you!
It’s so hard, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing your experience- it means a lot to know that others can relate!
I think it’s good to step back sometimes, especially if you have personal issues to deal with. I agree with most of the girls here, I think it is truly up to whoever to share what they feel comfortable with. Sometimes things need an explanation, sometimes they don’t.
I agree- sometimes just stepping away from the computer is the way to go! :)
I’m so sorry for your loss :/ I remember when we put down my family dog and I was a wreck. I wasn’t expecting to be that much of a mess, but it’s weird to go back home and not see the dog that has grown up and been with you your whole childhood. I’ve never be able to deal with death in a decent manner. I usually just avoid the topic and try to move on with life, because when I think about it, I re-live it all over again. It sounds like you are able to handle it better than I, and I really hope things are looking up for you right now.
Love, Bri
Thanks Bri :) It was hard when we were driving home and were about 10 minutes away and I realized that he wouldn’t be there. But it was good to be around my family, too.
hey katelyn. i just wanted to say that [i know it’s cliche] but i have you in my thoughts. i had a very similar week recently and just wanted to be alone. i’m so thankful for you and your voice. take whatever time you need, refresh yourself, and remember to hug everyone close to you. share the love, girl. sending hugs.
Thanks Annelise- I tend to believe that cliches are cliches because ring true a lot of the time :) Thank you for your kind words, they definitely brightened my day.
I’m sorry that you had a bad week. I know that sorry doesn’t make things better, but I hope knowing that you have outrageous amounts of love + good vibes coming your way does. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and I hope this week is much better than the last. xo! eliza
Thanks Eliza- all the sweet comments on this post have absolutely helped, you guys rock! xoxo